Saucony's For Sale

So, as much as I think I am a runner, I truly know I am not. My hips are made for breedin’ as they say. I could probably use three sports bras and four Spanx at any given moment and I cannot pass a 70 year old runner on a good day. So, today as an overweight 60 year old man passed me, my double jogging stroller and our 100 pound Labrador retriever on my morning run, I felt a little bit like Diane Keaton on “Baby Boom.” My mom is from back East and could not get enough of this movie (apple orchards and colonial style houses, oh my) when I was growing up, so bear with me. I just laughed as I remembered Diane Keaton in her running shoes and all of the busy, important executives passing her on either side and she just could not keep up anymore. I realize that this is my fate. I cannot keep up anymore and I never really could, but what I loved about this moment is that I smiled. I was actually in some weird way happy about it. I would love to run marathons, but it is just not in my gene pool. I say I get to count my two pregnancies as my physical marathon and raising these little dudes my continuous physical, emotional, and mental marathon. Running partner, anyone?

Stock in Huggies, Anyone??!!!

You have heard of Coffee Talk from SNL well, welcome to potty talk. That is the main topic of my current conversations. After 397 days of unsuccessful potty “learning” ( as the experts call it) I have decided to give up. This statement shows the reality of how unsuccessful my attempts have been. The attempts have been only mine and I surrender. This child and his well meaning mother have tried cheerio aiming, stickers, gum, suckers, chocolate, candy, entire bags of candy, cars, driving my car, eating salty foods, eating cheetos for the rest of his life, playing outside naked, going everywhere naked, watching the drink and pee toy babies and today my decision was sealed as his playdate asked to go on the potty and that little crumbgrinder just laughed and said, “I poop in my pants!” Today’s poop stained diaper count officially five and my status: detached and semi-alive.